Saturday, February 15, 2014
I don't think this is the place to talk about all the nitty gritty of big personal growth as there are too many people involved. But know that I did not suddenly arrive to a more peaceful, present and grounded side of myself. I moved here through dark sludge, sometimes gliding on perfectly designed waves, sometimes shoving boulders out of the way or dragging sled loads of crap which spilled its contents as I released what was no longer serving me. Sometimes I leaned on friends and family to help me carry my load or prop me up for enough restoration until my next move. Sometimes, I quietly, stubbornly moved along the path alone out of a need to be clear and own the decisions I was making or guilt and shame for how I got on the path in the first place.
And I haven't reached some ultimate destination. That's not what life is about, is it? It sounds so trite but it really is a journey and how you live that journey is the point. I am in a process of aligning myself to Joy and Spirit and Compassion and Ease and Abundance. What is happening is super cool.
I am now using this blog to just speak from my heart. Express what is happening in my daily life in an effort to keep my mind and soul focused on what matters: how I show Love and Compassion to those around me and Create opportunities for expansion. I am feeling a strong urge to share my thoughts and feelings with others so if you resonate with my words, I am thrilled.
Today I felt drawn to take the dog on an early morning walk. The light was just beginning to illuminate the snow and mountains through the clouded sky. Its so quiet at this time of the morning in our little mountain town. The sounds of the dog's steps in the icy snow was almost too loud to bear. I found the air and the stillness the perfect solution to my buzzing brain. I have SO much to figure out all the time. Whether its work or bills or organization in our home, I am in a constant mode of problem solving. Its actually a skill I'm quite good at but it sometimes goes haywire and takes me over in sleep and awake times.
Something has been happening during meditation over the past couple weeks. I sit and close my eyes and I feel this intense sensation of being divided in half. That half of me, my internal view, is separated from my body by a couple inches and the void is dark and scary. Its starting to get annoying as it is very disorienting and I don't want to keep my eyes closed. Today, I tried to sit with it longer and stopped my brain from trying to figure out why or what to do about it. I just started repeating statements like "I am one." "whole, complete and perfect", "divine moves through me" and after some time, I felt this strong white glowing light flood through me and that chasm of disconnect disappeared. I was whole again. In alignment. And filled with such a lovely sense of connectedness. That sense of being exactly where you are supposed to be. Yeah, that's what I felt.
I have done a lot of spiritual searching over the years. Each place of guidance has allowed me strong sensations of what resonates and what doesn't. I'm still exploring and probably always will be. But what I am learning to trust is that I have a very strong ability to "feel" or "know" what messages or strategies are going to help me reach my highest self and which ones aren't quite right for me. I am also VERY aware of how we are each on our own journey and therefore our own path. So as I write here in this blog, I'll be connecting how Spirit is guiding me on this very earthly experience. How in the midst of parenting, financial problems, work and life balance, I am learning to stay connected to Spirit and keep learning. Always learning.
I expect to fell Joyful today and send it your way to find as well.
Posted by Gretchen at 10:02 AM